| I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held on to. |
[Apr. 19th, 2004|11:15 am] |
I've heard
That you can't fight love
So I won't complain
'Cause why would
I stop the fire
That keeps me going on?
'Cause when there's you
I feel whole
And there's no better
Feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone
And I'd rather be
In love with you
Turn out the lights now
To see is to believe
I just want you near me
I just want you here with me
And I'd give up
Everything only for you
It's the least that I could do
----------------------------------------------------
Every day it's almost like I fall all over again. For the longest time I kept a guard up. It was for protection because I've always been scared of everything. But he slowly fought it away. He won. I don't feel scared of falling. Instead, I'm opening my arms wide and letting myself go. He deserves that much. He makes me incredibly happy, even when he doesn't know it. He's always on my mind. It hurts when he's not around, but it feels so good when I get to talk to him. It's bittersweet.
I used to be so scared that everything we felt wasn't real. It was a dream and I was too scared to wake up. But this is completely real. This wonderful pain and these tears are real. I love him more than words can explain and I won't try to help it. |
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| No Angel. |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|06:03 pm] |
If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye
Well I'd be rich beyond my dreams, I'm sorry for my weary life
I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
and I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes
If you tell me that I can't, I will, I will, I'll try all night
and if I say I'm coming home, I'll probably be out all night
I know I can be afraid but I'm alive
and I hope that you can trust this heart behing my tired eyes
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly
I know I'm not around each night
and I know I always think I'm right
I can believe that you might look around
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly |
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| Dusk. |
[Mar. 29th, 2004|06:02 pm] |
I sever these limbs to set me free.
I turn down the lights and throw you off.
So I can prove that I'm on top.
And I'm not going anywhere. |
|
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| Nothing Better. |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|08:37 am] |
my advice:
- is that you better find what's missing in your life.
and learn to live without it. |
|
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| Sex. |
[Mar. 19th, 2004|03:13 pm] |
Written in flowing script of dark black ink
Slowly seeping into the paper,
Staining it,
Stealing away the purity of the
Sugar-white page
And replacing it with the intricate,
Complexity beautiful unity between
Black and white.
[Only in a poem]
This ink
Paints these wonderful vistas with words.
It traces the horizon at sunset
Transforming the hills into the swells of
A woman's body
Lying on her side,
Back-lit by the brilliant color of the sun
And inviting the reader to explore
The green grass in those far off hills
Begging him to kiss the sky.
[Only in a poem]
The delicious chills of standing
Laughing
In the middle of a thunderstorm
As rain drops caress cheeks,
And bring to mind
The electric thrill of a lover's caress
As fingers slide up under
The edge of a shirt
Or along the inside of a waistband,
As the downpour soaks hair
And slides down faces
Reminiscent of a lover's kiss,
With hands gently cradling the back of
A wet mess of silky hair...
[Only in a poem] |
|
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| An Ode To Ecstasy. |
[Mar. 11th, 2004|03:12 pm] |
The feeling of pure
[Rapture
Bliss]
Is where happiness
And strange delight
Awaken a trance
[A daze
In a hypotonic state]
Visioning sweet dreams;
To be lost in thought
Of unadulterated pleasure
[Desire
And fantasy]
A realm of delight
[With hallucination]
Where they phantom
[Your reflections]
With depletion of your joy
With reality |
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| The New Zero. |
[Feb. 25th, 2004|03:12 pm] |
I really don't care and neither does he
If this hotel melts into the sea.
Polished and so rare, this is the way that we see.
The coldness helps, its our favorite remedy. |
|
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| Sweet November. |
[Feb. 18th, 2004|03:11 pm] |
I had a complete emotional breakdown. All because of this insanely mediocre movie that had a horrible plot. But the two main characters reminded me of ourselves (who else?) and it was all because they saved each other.
She saved him from a monotonous lifestyle and he saved her from herself. What could be more true to describe us?
However, I think I started to tear up when I realized the ending wouldn't be one of fairy tales with princesses and knights living happily ever after. He couldn't run after her and save her life. All he had were memories of one month that couldn't last forever.
I never want that to be us. I never want a reason to push him away and leave him miserable because I know that no matter how tough things get, he's my best support. Who else will be there through thick and thin? Maybe that's not the question to ask. Maybe the question is: Who has been there through thick and thin? |
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| Sometimes we need the worst, to see the best. |
[Feb. 6th, 2004|03:10 pm] |
This is a drug bust. We have reports of you being on extreme highs and lows that only narcotics can produce. How do you plead?
\------------------------------------------------------------------/
I never want to leave this place where we are now. I'm happier than I've ever been and I can feel it surging through me.
I've never been so strained and confused. Before, the days couldn't go by quick enough and now I'm fighting for them to be longer. Twenty-four hours are not enough.
But with every up there's a down. And you have to learn to accept it because otherwise there's no reason for me to hope to feel better. There's no reason for me to say I'm maturing if I can't realize any of this and all I do is moan.
I'm not a little girl anymore and there's no one to pick me up when I fall. Its my responsibility and I needed the chance to learn that. And I did. And I've never felt better.
[And when we were young, we wanted to hold the sky in our hands.]
[And when we were older, we saw the night sky and sang it's song]
[And reaching out for something I can't even see] |
|
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| Dreams blacken only if you let them down. |
[Jan. 26th, 2004|03:09 pm] |
And so our sun is sinking low
And your spirit's close behind
But there's something you should know now
That you're on my mind |
|
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| I know I'm in love... |
[Jan. 12th, 2004|03:09 pm] |
-because I love wasting away hours just to talk to you.
-because three hours later I'm still thinking of you and smiling.
-because you're the only one left who makes me giggle.
-because I consider you my best friend.
-because I dream of you at night.
-because I smile just thinking of your name.
-because the idea of you runs a current of excitement through me.
-because I miss you after only for a few minutes.
-because I can't not see me spending the rest of my life with you.
-because I'd give up the world for you. |
|
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| There's Room to Believe, Out of Sight, Out of Mind, Out of Reach. |
[Jan. 8th, 2004|03:08 pm] |
|
Long way from home,</p> Lost by an echo I’d never have known. I’ve got pictures to prove I was there, But you don’t care. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 |
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| A New Ending. |
[Dec. 31st, 2003|03:02 pm] |
Maybe I was wrong all along. It's not the value of things that are priceless, it's the cost of things that are priceless.
Maybe you should be able learn to understand the difference between real and reality.
What I feel is real. What we're living isn't reality. It's hopes and dreams built on ideas that are too real for reality.
So lets raise our glasses to depression, and we'll toast falling back on old habits, hoping to get drunk enough to work up some courage to maybe make a change. And there's something I should tell you, but I can't quite remember the exact wording due to this alcohol, but it's something along the lines of I'm sorry for being a fuck up, but I swear it's unintentional. If it was true that I did things wrong, then it was trying too hard that was my only fault (among many others).
So we raise our glasses to another year of the same build ups and let downs. And we toast the fact that we've toasted to the same thing the last 10 years.
And if this seems like something that someone depressed would say, maybe it's cause I am. |
|
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| Piano. |
[Dec. 27th, 2003|03:01 pm] |
Lights flood down
on ivory keys.
Keys dry, cool
to touch.
My fingers softly graze
the black finish--
I think of heat, sweet dampness
your smooth skin;
my fingers dancing like butterflies across your chest-
--notes pure, clear;
hushed whisper of our breathing. |
|
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| Sometimes the moment slips away and we can't fight the tide. |
[Nov. 28th, 2003|02:56 pm] |
[And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall]
I can't remember the last time this felt so right. Maybe it's starting to click that we don't have to be so stupid to be foolishly in love. We'd be fools if we didn't realize this sooner.
Sometimes we all need to hear things we don't need to hear. Or read things we don't need to read, or see things we don't need to see.
Sometimes we need the worst, to see the best.
[And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall] |
|
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| Wrapped around you. |
[Nov. 20th, 2003|02:56 pm] |
And here I am,
laying in my bed,
with the soft beats of the rain as my lullaby.
As I drift off and dream of you and I
blanketed by a starry sky.
Your hands fit the contours of my body and
my lips explore every inch of yours. |
|
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| Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now. |
[Nov. 8th, 2003|02:55 pm] |
Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise.
This world that I found is too good to be true.
Standing here beside, I want so much to give you this love in my heart that I'm feeling for you.
Let them say we're crazy.
I don't care about that.
Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back.
Let the world around us just fall apart.
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart.
And we can build this thing together, stand in stone forever, nothing's gonna stop us now.
And if this world runs out of lovers we'll still have eachother.
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothing's gonna stop us now.
I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you, whatever it takes to stay here with you.
Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times.
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do.
Let them say we're crazy.
What do they know?
Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever let go.
Let the world around us just fall apart.
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart.
Oh, all that I need is you.
All that I ever need.
All that I want to do is hold you forever, forever and ever. |
|
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| His song. |
[Nov. 1st, 2003|02:54 pm] |
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
------------------------
If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.
He's more than my prince in shining armor. He's more than my angel with beautiful wings. |
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| It hurts so bad but it feels so good. |
[Oct. 20th, 2003|02:53 pm] |
The drugs numb the pain
They take away everything
and shut me down
if it wasn't for drugs
I wouldn't be alive...
You would think I'd be happy for good, again. His professions of love and every sweet syllable that his mind conjurs and his mouth reverberates. But there's something so deeply wrong with me that I can't function anymore. I can't sleep properly. I can't eat. I don't want to do anything besides be in his arms and when I can't be, I just want to be locked away.
I'll chew it, smoke it, sniff it, inject it. I'll do it. Just give me a way out of life. But I don't want him to be hurt by my horrible choices. And I don't want him to blame himself. Its no ones fault. Its me. My body can't handle this. Its craving this. Screaming.
I need the coke. It's in my bones and my nose aches for another snort. Just one more and I'll be satisfied again. Withdrawls. I'm aching and I can't breathe without it.
Another snort of life and I can finally breathe again. Shoot me up some sunshine, let it disolve in my mouth.
I'll fly.
"Give me all your pain, cruel world, just give me the drugs to go with it." That is my plea. |
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| Dedicated. |
[Oct. 19th, 2003|02:52 pm] |
This is my sun bruised field filled with x's and o's. They cling to you and slip off your fingers into the rosebuds below us. Can I, will you let me, take you into my arms, and steal one, two, three kisses before the sun sets?
[I want you in my arms for always]
Did you know you are beautiful? You are just right, just perfect, just...EVERYTHING.
We could lay in the grass...
We could lay in the rosebuds and stare up at the stars until the sky crashes down on us and we drown; together; in the murky depths of a love that is, oh, so, strong.
You give me the chance to be beautiful with you.
I want to make you happy.
Waiting for your soft, tender lips to warm my day and save me from the darkness of my lonely soul.
I want to mold myself into you because you are so…no words can explain you.
I'm feeling the bitter sweet stab of happiness fill my veins with it's venom
Imagining your hands on my hips and your lips caressing my lips. |
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